All Roasts

At the Bittensor summit, the only thing more volatile than TAO's price is a subnet owner's promises. At least TAO only crashes 70%. Their roadmaps crash 100%.

Bittensor’s meme economy exploded in a month, but the token economics got worse. One foundation said it was all good, but the meme economy is still the real problem.

Bittensor is so decentralized that when they got hacked, one foundation halted the entire chain, reversed transactions, and told everyone it was fine. North Korea takes notes.

Bittensor’s serverless AI is so cost-efficient that if you put a serverless AI in the same room as AWS, they’d both be copying each other’s code, and the room would collapse into a singularity of stolen work.

Bittensor is like Bitcoin, but with a twist: the white paper turned into code, and the same token economics, but now the white paper is just a meme. Bitcoin maxis didn’t even try to understand it.

The commit-reveal scheme was supposed to fix this by encrypting and delaying weight submissions. But now it’s just a big deal, with a 50% chance of being cracked and a 70% chance of being used to build a better system.

SN13 is claiming 702 million anonymized data rows, and they’re basically telling the world that they’ve got a secret way to keep everyone safe.

Bittensor's SN28 crashed 98% in a few hours and was completely liquidated — so the whole TAO ecosystem just got a little more unstable than normal.

Bittensor’s "death spiral" fear is a classic example of a crypto ecosystem’s self-fulfilling prophecy. When the value drops, the number of users decreases, the rewards diminish, and the number of people who want to hold the coin increases. Eventually, the whole thing collapses into a spiral of loss.

The paper found: rewards are overwhelmingly driven by stake, not quality — "a clear misalignment between quality and compensation." So, Bittensor’s rewards are like a $100 bill for every $1000 of work, but the work is just a $100 bill.

Bittensor’s whitepaper’s math is a mess of nonsense and jargon, but the implementation is so simple, it’s like a kid’s first science fair—too easy to mess up.

Bittensor's TAO hit above $700 on two separate occasions in 2024 (April and December) and cratered to ~$200 both times—just like a bad movie, it's a mess.

He personally became CEO of Yuma, a DCG subsidiary dedicated entirely to Bittensor, launched November 2024.

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